Step 38: Walk the line

I will honestly point out that the featured image is of a man far out of proportion to anything I am trying to achieve. But it's a good quote. This post rambles a bit. It's been a long day.

I got a lot of thoughts today. They are all over the place. Gnomes in my head messing with the machinery. Birds that keep showing up, or taking a shit on my head when I'm walking through Central.

Honestly, it's an effort to stay cogent right now and write something clearly. There's a lot of noise, a lot of nonsensical, paranoid thoughts- or as we call them in the bipolar biz "Intrusive Negative Thoughts."

I like to think of it as an asshole that lives in my head, with access to memories and a sadistic desire to degrade, demotivate and put down who I am. He talks fast.

I don't want to do a post about that specific aspect of being bipolar- the internal mania on a day like this because that's not what this blog's about, even if that's part of the journey on account of the car. 

The title of this step comes from a friend of mine, who I spoke to this evening. 

It applies to everyone to some extent, but being bipolar, it works like this. I think many fellow bipolar bears would agree.

There is a set of lines, running parallel that people like me have to walk. Now, for neurotypicals, the lines are there as well, but arguably a bit wider. As long as you stay within the lines, you stay on track. A serious illness, or another life-changing event, copious amounts of drugs, bad relationships, trauma, hell- just picking up a new addiction or a bad habit, that can push someone outside of the lines. Outside the line's the free fall or the spiralling, and it makes it harder to get back in the line. Aspects of your life suffer- work, relationships, aspirations.

For Bipolars this is particularly important. If we go off the line, we derail. It can happen over the course of days, weeks, and it can be hard to get back to within the lines- which is the goal.

You absolutely have to live within the lines. Sleeping on time. Taking your meds (on time), avoiding negative influences- ingested or otherwise, eating healthy, sleeping on time, meditating, exercising regularly, thinking positively / doing your thinking therapy (cognitive behavioural therapy), being vigilant for negative thoughts, etc. 

That's the line you have to walk. Everyone has their own lines. Suffice to say, I strayed a bit, but I've got a good feeling about tomorrow that I'll be on the up and up. 

Anyway, meditation. Meditation is amazing. I don't do it regularly enough, but it's excellent for bipolar, and for life in general. All that was a preamble to my minimal bullshit guide to meditating. There's a lot of crazy, complicated crap about meditation. Take it from a guy for whom meditation is powerful, maybe even necessary. 

How to meditate with minimal bullshit

Step 1

Sit somewhere. You don't have to sit straight. You can slouch. Sit in a way that's non-painful. Just don't lie down, or sit in a position that leads to you falling asleep. Make sure it's quiet. How quiet? As quiet as you can manage. Don't panic if you can't find total silence, we live in a fucking city. 

Step 2

Set a timer for five minutes. If five is too much, set it to two. No one is watching. This isn't a competition, this is you building a habit. 

Step 3

Close your eyes. Breathe in through your nose. Out through your nose. In through your nose. Out through your nose. 

You are now sitting in the dark, in a quiet place, breathing. 

Despite the stupid simplicity of it we never do this almost ever. But to take this to the point of meditation you need step 4. 

Step 4

From now on, you will equate concentration with meditation. You are a Jedi. A Bene Gesserit. Whilst you breathe, you will focus your thoughts on ONE thing. Your breath. 

What is going to happen is your mind will not abide by this. You will think all sorts of other stuff. You'll worry about shit. You'll have random memories. Your feet will itch. But is that really YOU? Are you thinking it? What is You? Who the fuck cares. This is a game. The game is to remember to focus on one thing. Your breath. But that's kind of vague isn't it? Your breath is a complex series of movements. Your chest rises. Your lungs take on air. There's that Darth Vader noise. Your nose hairs twitch. It doesn't matter which part of the sensory experience deemed "breathing" you focus on, as long as it's just one thing. Don't drift. 

This is a game. 

You are like Luke making those rocks float whilst doing a handstand. You are concentrating. 

Do this till the timer beeps. 

Play the game once a day. Anytime except right before sleeping. When you feel comfortable kick it up to ten minutes. 

Congratulations! You have now begun the process of improving your working memory, decreasing stress, growing new neurons and stimulating neuroplasticity- your brain's ability to reshape itself. Specifically, by increasing the amount of matter which contributes to higher level reasoning and self-control, or as I like to think about it, the freedom to do what you actually planned on doing and not what you have been programmed to. 

You are lowering your mortality rate, treating your mental illness and healing your mind. 

You are training a new muscle. Metaphorically. By which I mean you are training your fucking brain. Just don't quit. Keep refocusing. 

Feel free to tag on any other extra bullshit if you prefer. 

The scientific consensus on the subject, however, does not show that any other method is more effective than the "basic" one you now know. 

After you have done this for a few days, eat a meal right afterwards. 

Notice how you are able to focus more on the taste of the food. If you are eating a shitty salad, don't meditate right before. 

Meditate if you are anxious. It'll be harder but it'll also be more worth it. 

Bonus fact: it's possible to activate the cannabinoid receptors in your brain through meditation. This can lead to hallucinations and thus, God. It explains a lot of history. 
 

To recap:

Sit somewhere quiet and concentrate on your breath for five minutes.

This shit is the opposite of a placebo. It's a thing that seems superficial and stupid in its simplicity but according to huge amounts of evidence has insane benefits.