Step 31: Schedule marathons

Someone said that it's a bit extreme for me to decide I can just write three books in three months. "One good book is better than three poorly written ones." They said.

But writing these novels has more in common with training for a marathon, than aiming to write a great novel. A creative marathon. It's something I've worked up to in more ways than one, but even then, deciding to do that marathon means deciding to push harder than your previous best. Not to just continue working, but to actively schedule the marathon. 10 km, for the first first time? Say screw it, and try 250k words for the first time. 

All because five years ago I was a mess. 

Five years ago there was a large distance between the person I would like to be and the person that I was. That was true by most metrics; physical health, mental health, social skills, creative ability, meaningful experiences, relationships...

Then for a myriad of reasons, I wanted to change. So I started running, eating less crap, went to the gym- I wasn't one of those before/after guys, but I could go from getting winded from a set of stairs to going 25 mins straight at a jog. Hardly superhuman, but for a fat guy- a fucking revelation. My body can even do that? It's not inherently fucked?

I started setting social goals for myself, like practising to look people in the eye and smile, saying hi to strangers, taking cognitive behavioural therapy more seriously, googling shit like "How to stop caring what people think." (Mastered that one eh?) Again, not fucking Batman, but still going from a nerdy, introverted stereotype to confident enough in a room to finally go talk to that one person you've been working up the courage to do so. We all know what I mean. I set goals of finishing stories, of writing consistently, instead of trying to write that ONE PERFECT THING. To make that one ONE STORY IDEA work. Fuck that. Just write.

Nothing epic, like the motivational posters or the self-help gurus, but in five years, the progress is visible.

Nice tie Bruce

Some of the most important things I have learned:

1. You can change, grow, improve any skill. Learn *anything.* Reading about neuroplasticity and what the brain is capable of, really put that into perspective. You can go from writing 250 words an hour to 1000 words an hour, to whatever the hell the real pros can pull off in an hour- you can train your brain. We come ready made with an insanely adaptable organ. 

2. Progress is rarely visible in the short-term, on a daily basis. It's often invisible. There's rarely any epiphany, any sudden lesson that will reshape how you live. That shit's for movies and poorly written stories. You have to have faith it will add up, because in a year, in five years, in ten years- it does. You're climbing up a mountain, and it's only with time that you can look back down and really appreciate how far you've come, for each individual, by whatever metric of whatever climb they want to make.

What this all means is that that which seems 'unattainable', 'impossible', 'too hard', 'extreme' can be attained If you stop looking at the short-term and focus on the years it might take to get there- not years of constant back-breaking labour, just years of putting out. Justconsistency and time.

We've all got a death sentence. Avoiding trying new things, or pushing your comfort zone, or experiencing the freedom of knowing what you are capable of- surprising yourself; avoiding any of it is a waste of your one good life.

I'm lucky because I've deluded myself into believing that my life ought to be spent creating shit. That's the work I want to do- if I didn't, god forbid I just went to my job, went home, played video games, and just kinda went on. I mean, fine, if you love video games, by all means. If you love your job, fuck it. And yeah, freedom to do anything outside of surviving is a privilege, but if you have that privilege- what a fucking waste to not go to that country, or try juggling, or go to one cooking class, or just go to that thing and talk to that person or who the hell knows. We got death sentences in our cells, but the door is open. We can't escape but we can go outside.

Sitting in the cell seems like a waste.

One of my novels is about someone who is essentially wasting their life. They are 'happy'. Totally content, loving wife, a decent job, watches movies. But they are wasting their life. 

In the novel, the tragic part about the character is that he thinks he's 'winning'. He's 'ticking boxes' in his head. But sometimes you don't know what you don't know. He doesn't even perceive, or try to perceive all the myriad experiences around him. Just follows a routine.  

I'm not sure what I'm selling at this point, its the usual carpe diem shit and I'm just another echo...

So basically, YOLO.

My answer to the initial idea that what I'm trying to do is too extreme / counterproductive is...

YOLO Bebe

And that nothing's extreme if you work up to it. I tried to explain to someone that the reason I wanted to do this is that I wanted to 'push myself.' I'm going to try and articulate in other posts what I mean by that, but it's similar to running or weight lifting (in my limited experience). I wanted to strap on 5 more pounds and see if I'm strong enough to do it because it looks possible. If I can do it, fuck sake, you can definitely do it. Whatever flavour of 'it' you like.